A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."
"What do you mean almost?" questioned the priest.
"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave. The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
"Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"