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Joke Home > Blonde Jokes

Blonde Jokes

Q: how do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: shine a torch in her ears.

Q: how do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: wave to her.

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

Q: how do you keep a blonde busy?
A: write 'please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

Q: how do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (i'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: how do you know a blond likes you?
A: she screws you two nights in a row.

Q: how do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
A: her crayons are still sticky.

Q: how do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: you find m&m shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: how do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: how do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: how do you plant dope?
A: bury a blonde.

Q: how do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: the bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: how do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A: she drops her nail-file!
A2: who cares?
A3: she says, "next".
A4: the next person taps you on the shoulder.

Q: how does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
A: she takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over beg.

Q: how does a blond kill a fish?
A: she drowns it.

Q: how does a blond spell farm?
A: e-i-e-i-o

Q: how does a blonde commit suicide?
A: she gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

Q: how does a blonde high-5?
A: she smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: how does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: by the ears.

Q: how does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: a 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: how does a blonde like her eggs?
A: unfertilized.

Q: how does a blonde measure his/her I.Q.?
A: with a tire gauge!

Q: how does a blonde moonwalk?
A: she pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: how does a blonde part their hair?
A: (action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: by doing splits.

Q: how does a blonde prepare for safe sex?
A: she puts on rubber based lipstick.

Q: how does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: she opens the car door.

Q: how does the blonde car pool work?
A: they all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: how is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: you have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: how is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: you lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

Q: how is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A: they spread for the bread.

Q: how many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: two, one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the Blow dryer!

Q: how many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip Cookies?
A: Tenů one to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&M's.
A2: three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play hide and seek?
A: one.

Q: how many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: one.

Q: how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: if a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: the brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
A2: the brunette. The blonde is such an air head.

Q: santa claus, the tooth fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart Blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 Bill. Who picks it up?
A: the dumb blonde! Because, there is no such thing as santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: to a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: grade 4.

Q: what are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: third grade.

Q: what can save a dying blonde?
A: hair transplants.

Q: what did the blond say when she woke up under the cow?
A: what are you guys still doing here?

Q: what did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress after reading her name tag?
A: "'debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q: what did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: she peed on her corn flakes.

Q: what did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur within 5 miles of home?
A: she moved 10 miles away.

Q: what did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
A: she stopped sucking.

Q: what did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: she turned it over and used the other side.

Q: what did the blonde get on her SAT?
A: nail polish!

Q: what did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: spot.

Q: what did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
A: she said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

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